


metanoia: a jhpian fic dump

by minhobbit



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Frottage, Light Angst, Lowercase, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Non-Explicit Sex, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Praise Kink, Self-Indulgent, Unrequited Love, oneshots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21784543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minhobbit/pseuds/minhobbit
Summary: basically a collection of different one-shots based on my playlist (titled metanoia).mostly self-indulgent. can go from fluffy things to something more smutty. tags will be constantly updated.1. sober (pg-13)2. death by a thousand cuts (pg-13)3. sing me (m)4. wind flower (m)
Relationships: Kang Younghyun | Young K/Park Jaehyung | Jae
Comments: 30
Kudos: 64





	1. sober (pg-13)

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Tiếng Việt available: [Sober](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23587498) by [Myselfholic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myselfholic/pseuds/Myselfholic)



> this one was based off "sober" by hyo. it's one of my favorite songs and it's totally not an accurate depiction of the lyrics, but more like "cherry-picking" certain bits of it and creating this mess of a drabble.
> 
> based on the line: "i only love you when i'm sober".
> 
> tags: unrequited love, non-explicit sex, angsty.
> 
> update: hey, guys! there is now a Vietnamese version of this work, too! here's the link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23587498   
> And thank you so much to @Myselfholic for translating it. :)

brian sits down on the bed. he takes a quick look around the room. of course, it’s not his own room. it never is. from the old and raggedy guitar sitting in the far corner, he can already tell whose room it is. he stretches his arms and sighs deeply. the strong smell of sweat and alcohol is still present inside the room.

just as he was going to stretch his chunky legs and get himself a cup of water, the owner of the room comes in. holding a tray, in all his awkward gangly glory, park jaehyung smiles at brian. his fingers are fidgeting with the object, slightly dancing over its surface. he had cooked some pancakes and fetched an americano for brian. he knew his favorite type of food.

“hey, sleepyhead” greeted jae, smiling softly “i got you some food, although maybe your stomach is still hurting?”

brian smiled fondly at the taller man, making grabby hands to get him to get closer to the bed. jae indulged him and got the tray on his desk. he sat next to brian and tried to fix his messy red hair. jae’s fingers were long and elegant. brian liked them. he liked to kiss them and to bite the fingertips to spite jae.

he knew they didn’t had sex the night before. jae was anything but a gentleman and he would never have sex with him if brian was intoxicated. he has made it clear many times but it doesn’t stop drunk brian from trying to get away with having jae each time he gets wasted.

they are best friends.

they met each other while working at a record store. jae was in charge of the inventory part and brian was a salesperson. of course, jae had become instantly infatuated with the outgoing and charming fox-eyed man. brian had black hair during that time and he certainly did not know the effect he had on jaehyung.

if anything, brian liked him back until he realized jae was into him. which only happened about two years after they had met. they were already close friends. brian was always at jae’s flat. his own place becoming the place where he would only change clothes and take showers. he slept, ate and fucked at jae’s.

during this time, he didn’t know how much jae liked him. thus, he asked him the simplest of favors for a healthy sexually active man.

“hey, can i bring someone over tonight?” asked brian over breakfast, almost six months ago.

jae almost choked on his croissant. he cleared his throat and looked at brian, trying his best to hide his feelings. brian was staring at him, waiting for an answer but also confused because of jae’s reaction. was it that weird for him to ask this type of favor from his best friend?

“are you having a date at my place, bri?” he asked, half-joking, half-crying.

the shorter man laughed and took a sip from his americano.

“c’mon, you know i don’t date.” he answered, almost cocky. “you know, i just want to use some place where i can fuck without having to worry about nosy neighbours… i thought it wouldn’t be a problem but if it is one, i can just take them to a motel.”

jae slid his glasses up his nose bridge. he tried his best not to gulp loudly. gripping the butter knife he was holding, he gave brian his best smile. the one that makes his eyes tiny crescent moons and his cheek pockets pop out. the one that says “it is completely fine, man! it’s not like i’m in love with you and my heart is completely broken right now. you can fuck however you want in my couch”.

“it’s alright, bri. don’t worry. just take care of the couch once you’re done.” 

brian’s eyes lit up and he gifted one of his award-winning smiles. 

“thanks, jae! you’re the best friend i could ask for!” 

this became a routine later on. brian would spend his evening fucking the brains out of different lucky boys and girls while jae was working at the record store. then, he would kick them out before jae came back. he would clean the couch and fall asleep on top of it until jae’s return. when the taller came back, he would force brian out of the couch and into his bed. they platonically slept together each time this happened.

until that fateful night when brian was not done with woosung, the petite bar singer he had met through a common friend. jae left the record store earlier than expected and totally forgot that brian was supposed to have someone over that specific friday. so, instead of brian’s rhythmic breathing while sleeping, he was met with a frontal view of brian’s back while woosung bounced on top of him.

jae just stood there, in the middle of the corridor of his own house, watching how the love of his life was fucking a beautiful piece of man. he didn’t know what to do and the two seemed too into the moment to realize they were being observed. 

woosung’s bleached blond hair moved up and down with each thrust brian gave him. his blunt nails were marking brian’s neck and back. jae couldn’t argue with the fact that the man had a beautiful face and an amazing voice. even at this wrecking point, woosung sounded angelical. 

on the other side, he couldn’t bring himself to look at brian’s body more than a few seconds. he was still wearing the polo shirt he had seen him wearing when he left for work. it was a turquoise blue color and it made brian’s golden skin pop. the neck was a little scrunched up from woosung’s hands. jae was gripping his backpack until he realized his knuckles were white. 

finally, he decided he was being way too much of a creep and sneakily walked to his room, closing the door as lightly as he could. he pressed his back to the door and slided to the floor. he sat down there, back against the wood and sighed. 

“well, i definitely didn’t need to see that” he whispered before feeling the too-well-known choking up that preceded him bawling his eyes out. 

yes, he knew what brian did on his couch almost every week. did he have to see it, though? 

about half an hour later, brian came to jae’s room and was surprised to find his best friend curled up on the bed. apparently, he was sleeping. but he could see he still wore his glasses and that his nose was red. is he having an allergic reaction to something? 

“jae?” he asked, poking him on the arm “everything okay?”

the blond slowly opened his eyes and smiled softly at brian. 

“everything is fine, don’t worry about me” he responded, still a little bit choked up.

brian was confused and he furrowed his brows.

“are you sure? your face seems puffy and it looks as if you had an allergic reaction to something. want me to get your medicines?” he continued, placing his hand on jae’s forehead. jae’s breathe hitched when brian did that, but he tried to hide it.

“i am okay, brian. as okay as one can be” said jae, taking brian’s hand away from his head. (even if he craved to feel brian’s warmth) “are you coming to sleep now?” 

the younger man nodded and took off his polo shirt, placing it on jae’s desk chair. then, he moved the blankets to get inside the warmth of the bed clothing and placed himself chest-down on the bed. his head resting on the pillow and jae could smell his own body wash on brian’s skin. it made his skin crawl with desire. it also made his heart clench with sadness. could he ever have brian for himself?

“you smell good” said brian, slowly sneaking closer to jae and snaking his arm towards the taller’s skinny waist “you always do, though”.

jae suppressed a groan and cuddled next to brian’s chest. he had to remind himself how to breathe every few seconds. brian was so warm. he was the perfect cuddler. his broad chest and strong arms made him the perfect body heater. jae wanted to wrap himself around him every single time they slept together. he loved it. 

he loved him. 

he said it.

“what?” responded brian, half-asleep “what did you say, jae?” he asked again, looking directly into jae’s tiny eyes. 

the blond bit his lower lip. fuck my dumbass mouth. he slowly crawled back to brian’s chest and pressed his face to the other’s neck. he was trying to control his heart rate. he felt like exploding. his eyes were twitching. his body was itching. his hands were desperate to hold his best friend.

“i said… i love you, brian”.

the younger opened his eyes. he was surprised. he never thought jaehyung was attracted to him. to be honest, he had never thought of jaehyung sexually. he had always seen him as his haven, the place where he could always go back to, safely. 

“jaehyung, you’re my best friend…” he started, quickly being shut up by jae’s acid laugh.

“don’t you think i tell myself that everytime i stare at you and see stars in your fucking eyes?” he blurted, sighing afterwards. “i’m sorry i feel like this brian. i don’t need you to love me back. i’m not waiting for you to randomly become in love with me. i know things don’t work that way and that you don’t date. not even your best friend.”

brian huffed and grabbed jae’s face with his hands, making him look into his eyes.

“listen carefully, park jaehyung. if i can’t love you back, it’s not a you problem. it’s a me problem. you’re not at fault for this. i’m simply not capable of committing to romantic relationships. i’m not able to love anyone back in a non-platonic way. i love you because you’re my best friend.” 

jae’s eyes were filled with tears.

“can’t you at least love my body, then?” he asked, in the tiniest voice ever “i’m so tired and hurt everytime you have someone over. i never see you, of course. but i still know what you do. and it really, really, has taken a toll on me. today…” he stopped himself. it kinda sounded voyeuristic to admit what he had seen.  
brian’s eyes doubled in size.

“you want me to have sex with you?” he asked, dumbfounded “i’m not sure, jae. it could be even more perjudicial to you. i don’t want to hurt your feelings. i can totally find somewhere else to have my one night stands, don’t worry about that.”

jae frowned and circled brian’s neck with his arms.

“please… try it out. am i that repulsive?” he whispered, looking for brian’s eyes. “if you hate it, then we don’t ever need to do it again. we don’t even need to speak about this. please. just give me the chance.”

brian decided to shut jaehyung up and kissed him fully. he placed both of his hands on the pillow below jae’s head and put himself on top of the older man. the blond had his own fingers tangled in brian’s dark locks. he was moaning in brian’s mouth. he felt as if he was high but no drug would be as addictive as kang brian was to park jaehyung.

in the end, they tried it. not only once, nor twice, but multiple times in the last six months. 

this doesn’t mean brian stopped having casual sex with other people. the only difference was that he didn’t use jae’s couch anymore. he started hanging out at another friend’s place, one who wasn’t in love with him and was (to brian’s knowledge) straight as a ruler. 

brian’s stomach growled and jae laughed at him, with his hands still on the younger’s red hair. 

“c’mon. get up and eat something. you should also take a shower, thought. you reek of vodka, bri.” he commented, getting off the bed and starting to collect brian’s scattered clothing from the floor.

of course, everytime brian came home from a party, he was drunk. wasted would be a better term. he often puked on the bathroom, drank some water and headed straight to jae’s bedroom. more often than not, he would try to persuade jae to have sex. however, jae never agreed to it. 

“you’re very horny when you’re drunk, did you know that?” jae said almost everytime. “i’m not having sex if you’re not remembering it by tomorrow, you dumbass.” he would say, flicking brian’s forehead with his finger and tucking him back underneath the blankets.

however, this wouldn’t stop brian from stripping down to his boxer briefs and spooning jae. 

“jae…” brian called, with his rough and low morning voice.

the older looked at him, stopping the clothing recollection.

“i love you.” he said, cheeks burning up.  
jae smiled awkwardly and left the folded clothing on the desk chair before going towards the bed. he kneeled next to it and kissed brian’s forehead. his heart was clenching, yes, but he had become used to it. it still hurt a little bit, but he decided sometime ago that having a little bit of brian was better than not having him at all.

“i know, brian. you’re my best friend. i love you, too.” he answered.

brian’s cheeks got even redder and he pulled jae in for a longer and deeper kiss.


	2. death by a thousand cuts (pg-13)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an au where brian and jae are both international students. jae lived most of his life in argentina, as opposed to cali and they meet in canada for their semester abroad.
> 
> is this a drabble if it is 5006 words??? i don't know.
> 
> tags?: non explicit sex, au!internationalstudents, light angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based off taylor swift's "death by a thousand cuts" (which is, actually, not as gore-y as the title would suggest). and also, even if the title sounds angsty, it isn't, at least not as much as i intended it to be the first time i thought about it. it's much softer. 
> 
> based of the line: “trying to find a part of me that you didn’t touch”.

flight announcements on the speakers resembled blaring sirens on younghyun’s head. people passed him by, busied with their own schedules. the ever present sound of heels and suitcase wheels felt like it was amplified on his ears. he was holding on to his passport for dear life. still two more hours to be able to get on board back home. south korea. his motherland. 

an almost empty iced americano cup was resting next to his thigh. he tried not to check his phone every five minutes. there would be no goodbye messages. at least not from the person he needed at the moment. park jaehyung, the argentinian twenty-one year old.

they met for the first time last fall. in toronto, canada. both of them taking part in an exchange program to practice the english language. younghyun met several other international students there. all of them from different parts of the world. most of them were european. there were very few asian people, so he felt out of place most of times. 

that was, until he got closer to jaehyung. he was argentinian by birth and korean by ethnicity. he also spoke very good english, due to the fact that his older sister lived in california. the guy spent most of his teenage years there, but went to a college in argentina. a law student, with a very skilled tongue.

younghyun gripped the plastic cup harshly when he remembered how much jae pissed him off at the very beginning. he was too quiet, too into his own mind. to younghyun, it seemed as if he felt the rest of the world wasn’t worthy of his attention. he had this royal aura to him. maybe it was the long neck, maybe it was the height. younghyun felt like a commoner next to him.

now, younghyun had never felt self-conscious to this level. jaehyung made him nervous. the way the would almost never speak to another student but, when he did, the whole room would stare in awe at him. as if he was some sort of god. girls gave him heart eyes every single time he walked past them. he didn’t even smile. it took brian a while to get to see his smile. it was very pretty. although he looked bored out of his mind most of times. 

“do you mind if i share this table with you? every single one is taken” had asked jae, that sightly warmer fall evening, at the library. he was wearing a fluffy yellow sweater. it was huge, even on jae’s long frame. it was swallowing him and he looked like a ray of sunshine. his glasses perched on to the bridge of his nose and a messenger bag crossed his chest.

“whatever” said younghyun, taking his stuff from the seat that jae intended to take.

“thanks, kang” responded jae, in awkward korean.

they started sharing that specific table almost every day, after their lessons. their only class together was the english course, which was every wednesday. at first, younghyun dreaded to be in the same classroom as jaehyung. he couldn’t stand how much he stole everyone’s attention by just _being there_.

maybe younghyun was a little bit of an attention whore. maybe he wanted to praise jae as much as everyone else did. maybe he only wanted him for himself. maybe he was trying to suppress the very intense feelings he would develop in the short time they shared in toronto. maybe younghyun hadn’t noticed how much attention he paid to the taller bespectacled male. 

“hey, i know we’re not buddies or anything but…” started jae one day, after the english lesson had finished and pretty much everyone else was gone. “i’ve heard you play bass guitar. and there’s this _jamming session_ thing happening the last monday of every month. we just sit down in one of the empty audiovisual rooms and play music for two hours.”

younghyun had arched his brow in confusion. he didn’t know anyone else was aware of his bass guitar playing. he didn’t even think he ever told any of the other international students. but, more importantly, why would jae invite him? he was aware he had friends. like, real ones. people he liked to hang out with. 

“you want me to come?” he asked, a little bit baffled still. 

jaehyung had smiled, a little bit awkwardly. but pretty nonetheless. 

“only if you’re interested… i wasn’t sure if you would like to. maybe you just enjoy playing for yourself?” 

younghyun scoffed and looked at jae’s eyes.

“okay, park. i will go. text me the room number” he simply answered. 

how did younghyun know jaehyung had his number? he didn’t. he was just a dumbass. but jaehyung, in fact, had obtained younghyun’s number from the whatsapp group all of the international students were added to. it wasn’t difficult to spot the only name written in hangul next to his number in the long list of numbers from the members.

  
  


the jamming session thing was actually a whole lot of fun. not only were there students playing but also a little crowd that jae liked to call “the groupies” (even though they were mostly all friends of the ones playing). some girls were there, but mostly for the free booze. younghyun was never able to understand how they could afford to give everyone free beer, but they did each month.

the first time they played together, the rest of the “band” already knew each other. jae was actually outspoken and charismatic in this setting. he was making jokes, kind-of-flirting with some girls, giving everyone beers… he was a good host. he also looked sunkissed underneath the weird colored-lights they used to give the event some “indie atmosphere”.

“do you know “demons” by imagine dragons?” asked one of the guys playing. 

both jae and younghyun complied by playing together, while one of the spanish students sang. jae played the guitar and younghyun the bass. younghyun couldn’t help but think jaehyung looked hot while holding the black electric guitar. he looked like a rockstar. maybe, in another life, he would make an amazing lead guitar of an amazing rock band. 

younghyun had drank two or three beers by the time the session was over and everyone was packing up their instruments. he wanted nothing more than to go home, have something to eat and have a deep sleep until tuesday morning. he still needed to check some articles for his international business ethics class, though.

“hey, some of the guys are heading to town to grab something to eat…” said jae, coming behind younghyun, guitar case on his shoulder. “unless you have something else to do… of course.” he looked almost apologetic. younghyun could see him going back inside his shell. 

younghyun smiled at him.

“only if we stop at mcdonald’s” he joked.

not surprisingly, after taking the bus to the town centre, younghyun and jae split from the group and ended up having a very late dinner at mcdonald’s. they laughed a lot. brian at jae’s poor attempts in french, a course younghyun had previously taken back home. jae at younghyun’s broken spanish, but that was still very good. the man had a gift for languages. jae had a gift for getting triggered every time younghyun told him his korean pronunciation was off.

  
  


the way in which they fell for each other was very smooth. for younghyun, he didn’t notice the moment he started seeing jae as more than his tall and cool argentinian friend. but when he did notice, it fell on him with such force, he stayed home the whole night and cried on the phone to his best friend from back home, park sungjin. 

“you do realize that having a crush on a male is not wrong at all, right, _bri_?” said sungjin over the phone.

younghyun laughed at the nickname. he had started using “brian” as his english name before even going to canada, to get himself used to it. of course, his very best friend would never let him see the end of it, calling him “kangbra” or any other variation of “kang brian” every five seconds. 

“i’ve come with terms with being bisexual a long time ago, sungjin. this is not about that” he answered, although it came out kind of muffled by his cheap pillow. “it’s just… i’m scared i’m starting to feel _too much_ in such little time. i’ve known the guys for one month. barely. we’ve only started hanging out as friends two weeks ago.”

jaehyung had invited him to a party from one of the european students the night before. they were hanging out at the library, each of them invested on their own assignments until jae’s long fingers tapped on younghyun’s wrist, getting his attention.

“wanna go to kopec’s tonight? he’s throwing a pizza party and i honestly don’t think i’ll be able to stand all of them on my own. please?” he said, jokingly. kopec was one of his closest friends at the moment. 

younghyun agreed and the party went great. they were both having fun playing card games and randomly singing bits of american songs that not all of the europeans knew. but kopec did know, he was well versed on 90’s pop and rock. younghyun and him became good friends after that party.

that same night, younghyun got to meet one of jaehyung’s classmates, matthew. he lived in california almost all his life, but his father was brazilian, while his mother was korean. younghyun could see the resemblance between the two boys. both physically (they were both tall as fuck and had tiny cute eyes) and in their humor. matthew also knew spanish, so they would randomly start speaking it in the middle of the party and younghyun would get lost.

when the night was coming to an end, jae poked younghyun’s arm. 

“hey, are you staying a little bit longer?” he asked, holding his cell phone. 

younghyun usually stayed until the party was done, he lived at the dorms. 

“i’m not sure, what are you doing?” he asked back, sitting closer to jae.

jaehyung frowned while he checked his phone.

“i think i’m going home now. i have to take a bus in five minutes, otherwise i will have to wait an hour for the next one.” 

younghyun took his own coat in his hands and stood up.

“so, let’s go home, then?” he said, not knowing what took over him. “i mean, each one of us… to our own homes… i mean…” his cheeks got red but thankfully, jae laughed and grabbed his own coat. 

that night, younghyun went with jae to the bus stop. it was conveniently placed at the end of the street where his dorm was located. jae’s blond hair was messy from the autumn wind. his glasses were slightly lopsided and he had his hands inside his pockets. the mere image of the moonlight reflecting over his glasses blew younghyun away.

that was when he knew. he was falling for someone he would never see again after the semester abroad. he was falling hard for the boyish guy, with the awkward laugh and the eyes that shined like they kept a million stars inside them. he was falling for park jaehyung. he looked at the roof for the whole night, unable to sleep. he called sungjin when he felt it wouldn’t be too late at night for his friend. 

“you know you’re very pessimistic?” said sungjin “you don’t even know if he does like you back! try and find out that first before beating yourself up for this. you can’t control who you like and there’s always a chance he thinks the same about you, man.”

younghyun laughed bitterly.

“yeah, c’mon. how could he be attracted to such a lame person like me?” he mumbled, tears staining his full cheeks. “also, for all i know, he could very much be straight. i’ve never talked with him about his own preferences. but he does know i’m bi and he does not care”.

during the next two weeks, younghyun began to overanalyze every single little thing jae said to him. the way he answered his texts. the way he would get red cheeks when younghyun teased him for his french. the way he would look at him in the eye while younghyun told him a funny story from back home. it made him dizzy. they drank together most of the time and younghyun tried not to get too tipsy, to avoid doing something stupid.

“i’m going to quèbec next weekend, do you want to come with me?” jae asked on a good tuesday, while they were sitting by their usual library table. “one of my friends from california lives there and i told him if i had the chance to go, i would. are you in?”

how could younghyun say no? how? when jae looked so full of hope when he asked that. when jae’s twitching eye made him melt inside. when jae’s lower lip was so full and looked to soft. when jae’s hands were fidgeting with younghyun’s charm bracelet he had brought from home. when jae was just jae, beautiful as always.

  
  
  


however, younghyun was not counting on being a little bit of jealous of jaehyung’s friend. kim woosung. a tiny slim and cat-eyed male with dark wavy hair. it made him think of sungjin’s crush from back home, kim wonpil, the keyboard player from church. although, where wonpil was reserved and a little bit awkward, woosung (or rather, _sammy_ ) was loud and graceful.

they had a great time in québec. sammy showed them all of the important historical spots, as well as his favorite pubs and music-related places. they went to one of his improvised band’s performances. younghyun couldn’t deny they were very good and sammy had a wonderful voice. it made him even more jealous. sammy was perfect. jaehyung was perfect. _wouldn’t they be perfect for each other?_

jaehyung and brian (jae started calling him that the night before, when a kind-of-drunk younghyun told him it was his english name) were back at their airbnb that night, the previous one to their departure from québec. brian was sitting on the bed, looking through the window. the night was peaceful and he could see the moon very clearly. 

“you know, i have another friend who lives in vancouver” suddenly said jae, smiling fondly at younghyun. “it’s a little bit farther away but maybe on the christmas break we could go there too! and this one actually has his own loft, so we wouldn’t need to pay accomodation”.

younghyun looked at him and he could literally feel his heart beating faster every time his eyes met his. he felt his hands sweat. his throat was drying. jae was making plans for the both of them, again. of course, younghyun wanted to be included on his plans. he was grateful. however, he felt as if it would be even more difficult for him to detach himself from the feelings he had for jae if the older continued to treat him like this. 

“jae… i have to tell you something before we plan that” he blurted out, turning around to be in front of the chair where the older was sat down, checking his laptop. 

jaehyung raised a brow, taken aback.

“it sounds serious, bri. you’re scaring me. everything okay?” he asked, concerned.

younghyun breathed in and out, closing his eyes. his hands formed little balls and he placed them on the bed. he tried to get his thoughts sorted out. he didn’t want to scare jae away. he did not want to lose him as a friend. jae was too perfect. and he was a little awkward bean, too, at the same time. he only wanted to protect him from any harm but, what if being told that your closest friend (who happens to be a man) from your semester abroad likes you was a huge shock? how could brian live with that? he did not want jae’s pity either but… 

“i think i like you…” he simply said, trying his best to look at him in the eye. “and i needed to tell you this before we go somewhere farther away together, because i feel like i’m holding back a secret from you. i don’t want to hide anything, jaehyung. i’m sorry if you feel grossed out by this”.

jaehyung’s eyes were the biggest younghyun has ever seen them. 

“bri…” he began and the tone gave it away for younghyun “i’m sorry…”

younghyun smiled, holding back the tears. 

“hey, it’s okay. you don’t have to say anything. i’m not asking for that. i just wanted you to know how i feel. i’m not expecting anything, i’m just…”

jaehyung’s hand touched his.

“ _kangbra_ , let me fucking finish for once” said jae, smiling fondly at him “i’m sorry it took such a long time for you to tell me that… i guess it was because i send a lot of mixed signals. to be honest, i’m not even sure about how i feel about other men in general. but i definitely like you, kang younghyun.”

younghyun felt the hot tears spilling over. jaehyung held him close to his chest, caressing his back and whispering “i’m sorry i made you cry, bri” into his ear until he stopped crying. younghyun felt like he never wanted to let go of jaehyung ever again. he was warm and soft, even though he was skinny. 

“i don’t know how to flirt, just in case you weren’t aware of it” randomly said jae, blushing a little bit. “so, i just kept treating you the same when i found out i was kind of into you. i’m sorry i wasn’t more clear. i’m guessing you were very conflicted about it, bri.”

younghyun laughed loudly and wiped his own tears.

“hey, takes a coward to confess to another coward, i guess” he answered, laying down on the bed. 

jaehyung smiled back at him and looked back to the window. then, he got up and closed the curtains before going back to the bed. he looked at younghyun from above and this made a tingle run through the shorter’s body. suddenly, he felt electricity filling the room. 

“maybe we should see how much of a coward we both are…” whispered jae, before taking off his shirt and dropping it down on the floor. he moved the bed sheets and placed himself on top of brian’s chest. his breath was hitching and he felt hot out of the sudden. “we don’t have to do anything crazy, but…”

jae was effectively shut up by younghyun’s mouth. the younger pressed their lips together by gripping jae’s nape. his mouth felt warm, soft and it tasted like maple syrup. younghyun’s breath tasted like the minty toothpaste he had used to wash his teeth before going to bed. their mouths were shy at first, trying to know each other. then, they started to get more comfortable and younghyun decided to bite down the older’s fat bottom lip. 

“you have no idea how much i’ve been dreaming of doing that…” whispered younghyun.

the taller smiled, his cheeks flushed red.

“oh, is this going to be one of those scenarios where we both try to out-shame each other by saying risqué stuff?” he said before taking off his glasses and placing them on the night stand before the bed. “challenge accepted, kang brian”. 

jaehyung took both of younghyun’s legs and spread them apart, placing each one to either side of his own body. he was now pressed flushed to the younger’s chest. he smiled down at him and started pressing kisses down his throat, making brian gasp loudly. he gripped the sheets next to him. 

“you have a set of such incredible thighs that it would be a crime not trying to grab them each time you are sitting down in front of my chair. please, wear skinny jeans more.” he murmured against brian’s earlobe, earning a growl from the younger. “it’s torture but i’m kind of a masochist, y’know?”

younghyun laughed while his cheeks were as red as ripe tomatoes. he circled jae’s waist with his legs and watched the older get an equal blush on his cheeks. then, the younger kissed him again, this time making the kiss deeper and hotter. jae’s tongue came into his mouth and, from that point on, there was no going back for either of them.

they went to sleep very late that night, still heavy breathing and tangled into each other’s limbs. brian’s head was resting on jae’s chest. the taller was sound sleep as soon as they were done. brian thought of how young jaehyung looked when he was asleep. almost childlike. he kissed the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes soon after.

when they went back to toronto the next morning, jaehyung was still the same. things didn’t change, nor did became awkward or more romantic. they were still them, except for the fact that brian wasn’t a virgin anymore and jae had his first sexual experience with a man. 

although they held hands on the train back home, very sneakily. 

  
  
  


no one else from their friends and acquaintances knew about their relationship. not even kopec. not even matthew. brian’s tongue was itching. he didn’t know what to do. he certainly did not want to out jae, because that would be plain wrong. but he wanted to share their _situationship_ so people would be aware and maybe stop flirting with his boy?

“when are you telling kopec we’re together?” spurted out brian one day they were laying down on jae’s bed. 

jae choked on his own spit.

“what do you mean? do you need anyone to know?” he said, furrowing his brows and adjusting his glasses. 

younghyun sighed and kissed his cheek.

“look, i know we’re not seeing this as a long term thing because of the whole distance issue but i would, at least, appreciate if the groupies knew you have someone and they would stop trying to get into your pants?” spat brian, maybe a little more venomous than he intended.

jaehyung sat up on the bed and threw younghyun a confused look.

“what do you mean _‘not seeing this as long term’_ ?” he asked, carefully. “we are not seeing this the same way? who said that? did you decide that on your own, younghyun? because i can definitely see myself going to korea in a few years and _fucking_ dating you properly!”

silence.

“jaehyung… do you plan on having a long distance relationship with me for _a few years_ _?_ how many years until you go there? or are you expecting me to come to take an intercontinental flight every month to see you either at cali or buenos aires?” 

the blond felt his heart clenching and he kicked the bedsheets.

“is it that far fetched? do you think it is _that_ crazy, younghyun?” whisper-shouted jae.

tears began to fall down from the fox-like eyes.

“it’s not realistic, jaehyung. our time has a countdown and it’s already halfway through. i want to enjoy the rest of it.” he answered, crawling back to his lover’s embrace. “it’s not that easy for us to meet on either of our countries. they’re very far away. you have no business on korea, for now. i have no business on argentina. what do you expect we do with two college student’s budgets?”

jaehyung sighed and tightened his hug around younghyun’s fame. 

“you know i love you, right?” he whispered into the younger’s ear. “i’m sorry it’s hard to believe.” 

younghyun smiled up at him and pressed a chaste kiss on his mouth.

“idiot. i love you, too.”

  
  
  


the last two months they spent together went by like a passing river.

they went out with friends to learn how to ice skate. both of them sucked but jaehyung was competitive enough to learn to do it by himself. while brian was stuck to kopec’s gloved hand he had trained for figure skating in poland before, when he was a teen. matthew was a surprise. he was helping brian out from time to time and checked on jae to make sure he wouldn’t fall down to his ass easily.

“want me to hold your hand?” asked brian, once he was stable enough to stand on his own.

jaehyung rejected his hand and said “no” with his head.

“sorry, darling, i have to do this alone!” he said before skating towards matthew, and falling over him. 

when the snow hit québec, they paid sammy another visit. 

“i swear to god if you make me go out to a pub tonight, i will fucking break up with you” said brian, a particular night after a blizzard, wrapping a fluffy blanket around himself. 

jae, already dressed up with his best winter attire, nodded and took off his garments.

“then you will have to humor me, my dear…” he said, in what he intended to be sexy.

brian laughed wholeheartedly and threw one of his gloves towards jae.

“that was not seductive, dumbass” answered younghyun, throwing the blanket aside. 

jae crawled to the bed and snaked his cold hands to brian’s waist. 

“you will still humor me, won’t you?”

brian rolled his eyes and turned the lights off before catching jae’s mouth with his.

when the final day came, younghyun told jaehyung not to text him or call him. he dreaded farewells (he refused to call this one a “goodbye”, even if he knew that was much more accurate) and he thought he might cry at the train station if jae goes with him.

instead, they say goodbye at brian’s dorm. 

slowly. sweetly. taking their time. younghyun’s luggage already packed and placed on the far corner of his room. jaehyung’s backpack was left behind on the sofa in the tiny living room. the polaroid photos of the two of them together (jae was kind of a sappy hipster and he had a polaroid camera) that previously decorated younghyun’s desk were now hidden between one of his notebook pages. the guitar pick that jae made with one of brian’s old high school ids was safely placed inside jae’s wallet, in his backpack. the bed still creaked like it did every single time. brian’s moans were still something akin to honey for jaehyung. jae’s rough hands were still burning every single spot on brian’s skin. younghyun still thought jae was crazy for loving him. jae still thought about how crazy brian made him. 

and in the morning, the day brian had to take the train, he did it alone. jaehyung had said goodbye with a quick kiss on his lips, one where he didn’t take his time but tried to convey the same message he always did: “i’ll see you around”. brian cried on the train, holding on to the guitar pick jae made for him, with jae’s previous college id. now, it was attached to a necklace. brian held to it until he arrived to the gates of the airport, when he put the necklace on.

  
  


the flight was not the most comfortable one, he was on the hallway seat. and the person next to him didn’t have a normal sized bladder, because they went to the bathroom every fifteen minutes or so. brian just wanted to sleep most of the flight while listening to the playlist jae had titled “pensando en ti”. in the end, he couldn’t sleep for more than two hours and ended up watching some marvel movies the rest of the flight.

once he was sitting on the backseat of a taxi, heading home, he remembered he told jae he would let him know he was safe and sound. he reached for his phone and the sudden idea of taking a photo with one of the polaroids hit him. he grabbed his backpack and opened it, looking for the notebook. he found them. but he also found a yellow envelope.

younghyun opened it only to find a polaroid he had never seen. it was of him, laying down on jae’s pale chest, his full cheeks squished down, making him look almost like a chipmunk. he was shirtless and his hair was a messy. he looked peaceful, thought. as if he was sleeping on a cloud. it was from last night. he could see the bedsheets he told jae to take yesterday.

along with the polaroid, there were two paper sheets. one of them was a short letter. he could distinguish jae’s messy handwriting on it. the other one was made of a brighter paper. 

he started reading the letter, feeling his heart raising its beat every second that went by.

_hey, bri._

_remember how you said it’s unrealistic to think of us meeting each other in one of our countries? i thought about it, and you’re completely right (as always). however, you also thought it was unrealistic that i could ever love you. you said you couldn’t believe it was real when i told you i liked you back. i’m a competitive bastard, kang younghyun. and i want to prove you i can make unrealistic things become true. all for you. always for you. i love you. don’t get mad at me for this._

_p.d. portugal might not have cold ass winter as canada does, but you may still want to pack some warm clothes. pack some swimsuits, too. they have amazing coastline beaches and i would never miss the chance to see your thighs in one of those. jk. but not jk, too._

_jae._

younghyun took out the other piece of paper. a plane ticket from south korea to portugal. next year. during brian’s birthday. the flight to go back was not there, so he supposed it was still open to negotiation for both of them.

would he want to stay with jae for christmas and new year’s eve?

of course. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very self-indulgent, sorry! i haven't written something this self-indulgent since i was in highschool... (maybe like 3-4 years ago??? ofc, i didn't write abt day6 then). why portugal????? because saying germany would make it even more obvious that this is me projecting my own sad gay life on my fanfics, lmao. also, i tried to do some _maths_ and apparently portugal would more or less be the country in the middle from argentina to sk, and viceversa. 
> 
> this was very rushed, i just wrote this today, finished it up in about 3-4 hours and didn't bother to edit it completely.
> 
> kudos and comments, tho? <3 it's very messy, still. i hope i will get better with practice, it's been a while since i've 1) written "longer" drabbles 2) written fully in english (not my first language, as i've said)
> 
> you guys can catch me at @yesumini on twitter !


	3. sing me (M)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this was going to be WAY different... i guess i couldn't help it... we needed some steamy drabble for the new year hehe
> 
> so, another au. the gang are college students in a tiny city and they are for new year's eve and jae and brian are fooling around. bri is a proud bi and jae is a confused bean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based off "sing me" by day6. i didn't take any lyrics this time, just the title bc i couldn't get any smuttiness from those beautiful lyrics... so yeah, just the title.
> 
> warnings: oral sex i guess hahaha

“am i the only one who can’t sing?” muttered jae angrily, holding the beer bottle against his full lips. 

sungjin shined with pride and a little bit of embarrassment after stepping down from the stage. they were at the open karaoke bar night in a pub near the harbor. it was new year’s eve. after having quite a chill dinner at wonpil’s dorm, the five of them decided on going to the pub before watching the firework show in the harbor. it was around 9 pm. three hours left.

brian, the very openly bisexual literature major, laughed out of nowhere. he was tipsy, to say the least. to his left, wonpil was playing with the rose his best friend (and bartender at the pub) junhyeok gave him. he gave one to each of the boys, always kind and taking care of them. jae always felt like junhyeok liked sungjin but that he decided to keep it in for the sake of their friendship in common with pil. 

“very funny statement, hyung” said dowoon before chugging his beer “at least you are on pitch, i could never…” he added, rolling his eyes and carefully taking a look at junhyeok behind the bar. 

jae blushed. he always did. it never meant anything. he was just very pale. also, he was drunk. and maybe he had noticed brian trying to play footsies with him in front of all of their friends. he never knew how to react to it. he usually played along to the banter and fake flirting that happened between them. when they were sober.

suddenly, he remembered a few months ago. during the fall break, they all cooked together at dowoon’s place. however, jae had proposed to drink some cocktails he wanted to tried. he bought the liquors made the spritz for all of them while brian took a nap on dowoon’s bed. the poor kid had had a terrible pre-break week. full of presentations and essays. he was spent.

“could someone go and wake brian up?” asked sungjin, while stirring the pasta pot. 

“should we? he gets cranky when woken up abruptly…” commented wonpil, stealing a piece of orange from jae’s grasp.

“nah, he definitely has eating higher on his priority list” answered dowoon “i can totally imagine him getting pouty and crankier if we don’t wake him up for dinner.”

jae had just finished pouring the cocktails on the glasses.

“i’ll do it” said the lanky guy, bringing one of the glasses with him. 

brian was sleeping in fetal position and had his fringe all messed up on his forehead. his round cheeks were squished against the pillow and he breathed softly. his pouty lips were tinted pink and he looked as peaceful as a baby. jae smiled fondly at him. he almost felt bad for waking him up.

“kang…” said jae softly “wake up, i brought you a drink and dinner is almost ready”

the fox-like eyes opened almost instantly and looked straight to jae’s hand --the one holding the cocktail.

“‘sup, noodle?” he answered, voice a little raspier than usual “thanks for the drink, sweetheart”.

he got up and took the drink from jae’s hands before slowly making his way to the dining room. jae was not an overly affective guy. he was not used to physical affection or pet names amongst friend. brian, on the contrary, has nicknames for everyone. but jae had gotten used to it by now, after being classmates and friends for some months. 

still, “sweetheart” made him blush. every. single. time.

after some spritz and great pasta (thanks to sungjin), brian was tipsy and making heart eyes at everyone. the usual. however, he was specially touchy with jae. he took advantage of being sitting next to each other. he started caressing jae’s bracelet and then went to play with the older’s fingers.

“bro, are you good?” asked jae, smiling. “you seem just a little bit drunk, do you want water?”

brian laughed wholeheartedly and shook his head.

“i’m okay, noodle. thanks though” he answered, letting his hand hang and fall on top of jae’s knee. 

the taller man blushed again and pretended to ignore brian’s flirting and touching the rest of the night. however, he did enjoy it. brian’s small but strong hands gripped his thighs and knee in a very pleasant way. he wouldn’t say no to doing that again.

now, watching brian’s slightly glassy eyes, jae wondered why brian hadn’t been more touchy with him in the recent gatherings. it was true that jae had been going back home earlier recently, because of exams, but brian was drunk very early in the night. he wondered if brian felt like he was making jae uncomfortable.

so, he decided to initiate it for once. what is some affection between male friends? 

“yo, don’t fall asleep, toronto” said jae, taking the rose he had gotten from junhyeok and getting it close to brian’s red and blushy face. he stopped within centimeters and made brian laugh.

“if u get that flower on my face and smudge my eyeliner, dude…” answered brian, giving him a fake angry look. 

jae, being the little shit he was, decided to do exactly that. he caressed brian’s cheek with the flower petals. brian looked surprised, but not angry. the flower went lower on his face, touching his sharp jawline. jae was following the path with his eyes. the petals were now over brian’s full lips. brian sighed and closed his eyes out of… sleepiness? jae took to flower to brian’s nose and made him open his foxy eyes again.

“jae, i swear to god…” he said staring directly into jae’s bespectacled eyes, all glassy eyes and flushed cheeks.

jae’s long fingers failed him and the flower moved towards brian’s left eye, where it smudged his eyeliner. (and also kind of poked him in the eye)

“jaehyung!” brian shouted, getting up from the chair and covering his eye. “ouch!”

the rest of the group looked at them, poker faced. when would those morons stop the awkward flirting and start being upfront about? dowoon had proposed a bet about it to wonpil and sungjin. sungjin said it was rude to make bets about people’s personal life and drunk wonpil shouted “i’m in! i say new year’s eve!” before plopping back down onto the couch. 

“shit, man. sorry, sorry!” said an alarmed jae, getting up and going to check on bri.

brian, with his eye closed, gave him the middle finger and went to the bathroom.

“hyung, go after him! don’t be a dick” said dowoon, chewing some chips. 

jaehyung got to the bathroom a little bit after brian. only to see him washing his face on the sink. his red silk shirt made him glow under the shitty lights. he was wearing tight black jeans and combat boots. he didn’t see jae coming in. 

“bri! i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to poke you! i was playing!” he said, alarmed and went closer to him. “let me see how bad it is! please! i have eye drops in case it’s very red.” 

brian turned around, smiling softly and patted his eyes with a paper towel. 

“it’s okay, noodle. i was just startled. sorry i gave you the middle finger.” he said sheepishly. 

jae took brian’s chin on his hand and examined his eyes thoroughly. 

“it looks a little bit red, though.” he said, preoccupied again. “you sure don’t want the drops?”

the shorter one laughed and closed his eyes, almost purring like a content kitten.

“this is okay, don’t worry. honestly it just looks as if i teared up a little bit while giving head.” he joked, stretching his arms upwards and making his shirt rise up. a nice flash of his golden skin met jae’s eyesight.

of course, jae blushed everytime brian made any sexual comment. 

“do you… usually tear up?” he abruptly asked, unable to contain his curiosity. “i mean… no! you don’t need to answer that, sorry. i’m tipsy. shouldn’t have asked that, brian.”

the younger smiled and licked his lips.

“i don’t mind questions like that, jae. i’m very open about my preferences, you know it.” he took a lip balm out of his kidney bag and applied it to his lips. “but if you want to know… not actually. i’m very good at holding my tears… also, i don’t choke that easily.” 

jae adjusted his glasses and coughed, awkwardly.

“well… i don’t know if i was supposed to know that or…” 

brian’s eyes shined and he got closer to jae.

“i bet i can make you sing before you can make me tear up…” he whispered. so low and soft, jae almost thought he had imagined it. “are you in?” brian asked, resting his hand on jae’s hip.

the taller processed it in his mind a few seconds before grabbing brian by the nape and pressing him against his own body. his lips parted and he instantly fell brian’s quick tongue in his mouth, touching his and making him blush. he pressed brian against the door of one of the stalls and sucked on his tongue. brian’s lip balm tastes like cherry. jae was glad he had had a piece of gum before going into the pub. at least he didn’t taste like garlic. 

“as much as i love that, it’s not going to take a long time for someone else to use the bathroom… and i want to win that bet.” said brian, before biting his own lip. “i take it as you’re in?” he asked, cupping jae’s cheeks with his smaller hands. the elder nodded and went back to steal a last kiss from him.

“what do we win?” asked jae but it was forgotten when he felt brian’s warm hand on the front of his jeans, groping him. “shit… bri… wait. let’s go inside the stall.” he gripped brian’s wrist and took him inside. “better…” he said, blushing. 

brian chuckled and got on his knees, going directly for jae’s belt. he opened it up expertly and brought the zipper down. jae had red boxer briefs on and brian gave him a funny look. jae averted his gaze, ashamed. 

“i wouldn’t have expected you, of all people, to be following a new year’s eve tradition superstition thingy, park jaehyung…” he said cheekily, slowly caressing jae’s waist. “i guess you want to have good luck with love next year, too.”

jae choked a little bit and looked back down at brian’s intense gaze. he looked like the cat who got the mouse. his hair a big lovely black mess. his cheeks flushed for many reasons. his lips red and plush. the smudged eyeliner and the hooded eyes. he was sinful. 

“too?” asked jae, gripping the tiles on the wall. “are you also wearing those?”

brian laughed and scratched jae’s flat stomach. 

“i wish. i went to buy some but i got the wrong size and they were too tiny on my thighs. they only left red marks where they constricted me. they were cute, though.” he answered, palating jae’s reaction to his comment. “maybe next year i’ll get some.”

jae tried not to think about brian’s full thighs trapped inside some basic boxer briefs. but he bets it would have looked great either way. brian had an amazing body. he was rounder and soft. he felt squishy most of times. 

“pay attention to me, noodle. stop spacing out” said brian, pulling jae’s underwear down. jae’s cock was flushed red. it was longer than what he had imagined, honestly. brian was salivating and he made good use of it by spitting in his hand. “i’m sorry if saliva disgusts you, sweetheart.” 

he pumped jae’s member and looked up at him, licking his lips. jae was biting his own. the mere sight of the fox-eyed man on his knees, for him, was too surreal. brian, the elegant and polished friend. brian, the cheeky and easy going canadian. brian, the only man that has ever made jae spark a hard-on. 

“do you like it?” asked brian, tilting his head to the side, like a curious kitty “do you usually jack off with lube, jae? or do you use saliva, too, naughty boy?” he joked with the pet name, but it elicited a tiny whimper from jae. “oh, you like the pet names, jae? i thought you hated nicknames… interesting.” 

he continued pumping the red cock a little bit more and the straightened his back, getting his face closer to jae’s crotch. the taller man gasped. brian half-smiled and gave a kittenish lick, enjoying the shiver he felt coming from jae’s body. he circled the crown with his tongue several times, looking directly into the other’s eyes. his pupils were dilated and jae kept biting his lower lip.

“aren’t you talking, sweetheart?” he asked. “how do you expect to be able to sing if you don’t talk first?” 

he licked the whole length of the cock, base to tip and smacked his lips together. 

“oh, you don’t want to talk, jaehyung?” said brian, smiling wickedly “okay.”

he engulfed the member slowly, letting it sit on the back of his throat for a little bit before pushing it in and out. his small and chubby hands holding jae’s hip and the base at the same time. he bobbed his head and enjoyed watching jae squirm every time he moaned around the cock. 

“bri… brian…” whispered jae, unsure of where to put his hands. 

the younger used his tongue to brush the underside everytime it went in and out of his mouth. it was a little slow for his liking so he stopped and took it out before looking at jae. hands on his full hips, frowning.

“dude, do you even want to win the bet? come on… let loose, i’m a big boy. i can handle you.” he said before winking and gripping jae’s hips again. “thrust, sweetie. the point is trying to make my tear up… i know you can do it.”

jae blushed again but when brian put the member back into his mouth, he grabbed his cheeks and began thrusting. brian made a happy sound and put his hands behind his back, letting jae in control. the taller was sweating, his forehead was damp. 

“is it okay, bri?” he asked, unsure still. 

brian hollowed his cheeks more and closed his sinful fox eyes, letting jae use his mouth. every now and then, he would moan and open his mouth wide, looking intensely into the taller’s eyes. 

as jae’s rhythm became faster, the corners of brian’s mouth became wetter and wetter. spit dripped from his mouth and jae found it extremely arousing to have such a beautiful creature literally salivating on his dick. he felt his dick engorge more every time he looked at brian’s closed eyes. brian was enjoying it and it showed. 

“you still can breathe, right?” asked jae, ever so kind and gentle towards brian. 

brian blinked one time and took jae’s hand, placing it on his mop of hair. jae knew what it meant and pulled it backwards, making brian expose his beautiful neck. the spit running down on it and how flushed it looked.

“bri… i’m… shit” murmured jae, getting closer to the edge. his voice broke many times, making him sound like a teenager. “shit… brian, you’re so good.” he praised the younger, surprised at how it seemed to please him even more. brian was shaking and moaned loudly. “bri… i’m coming soon.”

the younger opened his eyes wider and used his hands to take the dick out of his mouth.

“can i milk you?” he asked, sweetly. it would have been even more if he hadn’t just been sucking cock. “i promise i’ll make you sing, sweetie.” brian said, biting his spit-slick lips. “please, please?”

jae nodded and was surprised when brian pushed him and make him sit down on the lid of the wc. brian crawled to him, giggling like a child and began sucking him off again, wetter and with more obscene sounds. jae was gasping for air and took brian’s hair in his hands, making the younger purr. 

brian snaked his hands up jae’s chest and found his covered nipples, making him yelp.

“bri…” he said, ashamed “mmm... not there.” he said, sounding bashful. “n-not fair…”

brian purred as his only answer and continued bobbing his head up and down before using one of his hands to pump the base, literally milking jae until he spurted down brian’s throat. jae was chanting his name, while panting and shouting a mix of gasps and moans. brian won. 

with some come on his lips, brian smiled like cheshire and went straight for jae’s lap. he sat on it and kissed jae’s neck, like a satisfied cat. jae was still in the afterglow of his orgasm and could only caress the younger’s back, circling his arms around the waist. brian felt so hot against his body.

“so… did i win?” ask bri, with a hoarse voice.

jae chuckled and pecked his lips, making brian sigh happily. 

“i mean… the bet? of course. but in the end, i feel like i’m the winner, bri.” he answered.

brian started sucking hickeys on his neck and laughed.

“whatever, noodle. you owe me a date, now.”


	4. wind flower (m)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yo!!!! i'm finally back!!! this is... like so long, i'm so sorry!!! it keep growing and growing. based of mamamo's wind flower. specific lyrics: “like flower petals that will bloom again, get better day by day”. in short, brian is so so sad. jae helps him become happy again, little by little. 
> 
> tags/warnings: light angst, light cursing, explicit sex (that may include, masturbation, nipple play and frottage), just way too long too, lol.

**_winter_ **

younghyun opens his second beer bottle and sips the foam quickly. man, he already knows he wants to end the night a little bit on the tipsy side. he also knows he can’t get wasted as it is. they still have another dumb  _ chick flick _ to watch, thanks to wonpil. they just finished watching high school musical. the first one, because jaehyung and sungjin had never watched it and it was good material for laughs at the cringey acting. 

“yo, kang, pass me the spicy pringles!” yells sungjin, from the other side of the couch. 

“sungjin, those are paprika flavored…” answers wonpil, before taking another handful of popcorn.

“i don’t know, man. they tasted pretty spicy to me. maybe it’s mexican paprika?” mindlessly said jae, opening another coke. 

“can you guys shut up? i am trying to pick another movie!” answered dowoon, angrily clicking through the movie site. “oh, there it is. okay, guys, i chose a classic, again... “ he continued, jumping back to his bed and hitting play. “it’s  _ clueless _ ”.

wonpil’s eyes shined and he blew a kiss to dowoon.

“i see you’re a man of culture as well, dowoonie. i’m proud” he said, excited.

“i don’t get it, is this a movie about your life, dowoon?” asked jae, before a flying pillow hit his face. “hey, asshat! i could have spilled my coke on the couch! be careful.”

sungjin was halfway through falling asleep with his arms crossed on his chest.

“keep it down. junhyeok is studying for his finals next door” reminded them wonpil “and we have a senior citizen with us, falling asleep very quickly” he said, before slapping sungjin’s arm. “seriously, don’t you want to go to my room? you can sleep there, we’ll tell you when dinner is ready.”

the older just rubbed his eyes and shook his head.

“i’m okay, let me watch the damned  _ chick flick _ , pil.”

younghyun had actually watched  _ clueless _ before. in fact, it was one of his favorite movies when he was still a closeted little gay. he would watch it with his female cousins and would just laugh awkwardly at the whole christian-being-gay arc. poor cher. at least she had good taste. 

however, he was feeling very out of the loop. in fact, it was jae who convinced him to go to wonpil’s that evening. the older was concerned about younghyun’s wellbeing. he had just had a nasty breakup a week before. the dude couldn’t even stop and think twice about breaking up with him on new year’s eve. in front of the whole pub they were visiting together. younghyun had spent the rest of the night crying in the bathroom at wonpil’s dorm.

jae was his roommate and his hyung. he felt as if he needed to take care of younghyun. on top of that, they were actually friends. it was very weird how their own sets of friends brought them together, when they had already been roommates for a year. jae was very grateful for wonpil’s insistence on all of them hanging out together months ago. now, it was the designated hang-out place.

“hey, could you pass me another beer, jae?” asked younghyun, chin resting on his own palm. 

jaehyung scrunched his lips. 

“i don’t know if you should be drinking that much before having dinner, younghyun. here, have a sip of my coke.” he answered, passing it to the younger and smiling, apologetic. 

younghyun drank a little bit and smiled. but it was the same kind of smile jae had grown to hate the past week. the kind that doesn’t reach the younger’s small and fox-like eyes. younghyun had a beautiful smile, but the real one, not this. this one just made jae’s heart ache for him. 

  
  
  


an hour and a half later, when wonpil was still rambling about how handsome paul rudd is, junhyeok knocked on the door. 

“hey, guys. dinner is ready now, you can come out and help me set the table.”

usually, younghyun was very accomodating and liked to helped his hyungs. at that moment, he didn’t feel like doing anything. so, he just moved to the table and sat down, tapping his fingers on his phone case. thank god he had removed the polaroid with his ex-boyfriend from it a few nights before. jaehyung made sure to rip it to shreds and throw it away afterwards, without younghyun’s knowledge.

“dinner is served,  _ bon appetit _ , guys!” said wonpil before taking a piece of the chicken. 

jae was sitting across younghyun. he could definitely tell how the younger was trying to hide how down he felt. he kept answering everything directed at him but, while usually he would never stop talking once provoked, he didn’t say anything extra. they were practically forcing the answers out of him each time. jae missed his boisterous roommate and friend. but he could definitely understand how he felt.

jae himself had just had a breakup around november. he had been dating the girl for five months. she also was a political science major. she was short, had red hair and a nose ring. despite the tough image she tried to project, she was very cute. jae had felt attracted to her from minute one at their first class together. eventually, they hit it off and started dating. she was a very intelligent and fun girl. jae had such a great time with her. they even shared their passion for music.

unfortunately, for her, they had too much in common. they were way  _ too similar _ , she had said. she prefered to stay as friends, if possible, she said. jae agreed. and so, jae became single again. he couldn’t resent her, to be honest. she was very brave coming to him and saying how she felt. he couldn’t admire her more. even so, he felt disappointed on himself. he did have a great time with her, even if he never felt like he was in love. he felt like he could fall in love with her while already in the relationship.

but he wouldn’t sulk about it. failure brings knowledge. every time you make a mistake, you’re learning it is a mistake. you’re learning what not to do next time. this applies to every aspect of one’s life. jae wouldn’t let himself be brought down by a failed relationship. also, he didn’t lose her as a friend. they still hang out together from time to time, and it is not awkward. it’s almost the same, minus the sex and the kisses. which, to be honest, he didn’t miss that much. not a huge fan of physical affection. 

on the other hand, he could definitely see how younghyun was way more affected than him. he had dated that engineering major for roughly three months, but younghyun felt too much, too fast. he was aware of it. he despised himself everytime he got a new crush and became attached to them in the batting of an eye. it was difficult for him to get detached from them. he didn’t get casual crushes. they were all intense and, more often than not, left him heartbroken. although he could never say it was love. he didn’t know how it felt, after all. he pinned it to his constant need of validation and attention, not exactly having strong romantic feelings. he also thought it was out of his fear of loneliness. 

this time, it was way worse. it was always bad to have a breakup but having it in public, during a holiday? man, that dude sucked. jaehyung was way too angry at that douchebag. the man had to be grateful that jae was a pacifist, otherwise he would have already had his ass beaten up. 

the rest of the group had been careful not to let younghyun go out and get wasted alone. they always went with him and monitored his drinks, taking him home just before he started flirting with a new, potential crush. it was usually wonpil and dowoon’s work. jae was a little busy during the afternoons, having to tutor some english students. and sungjin didn’t like going out.

“junhyeok, the dinner is lovely, thank you so much” said wonpil, squeezing his roommate’s hand. “you didn’t have to! we are just glad to have you with us.”

the older blushed and drank a little bit of his sparkling wine.

“i felt bad that i was out of town during the holidays, guys. it’s my way of apologizing and getting to hang out with you, at the same time.” he answered, smiling widely. 

jae poured himself some wine, too and immediately noticed younghyun’s eyes on the bottle. 

“here, have some” said jae, passing it to the younger, with a shy smile. 

younghyun drank it quickly and jae frowned again. he was still trying to get drunk, huh? 

“you’re a really good cook, hyung.” said younghyun, smiling at junhyeok. 

the older one smiled brightly.

“thanks, younghyun. those cooking lessons my mom forced me to take when i was a teen finally paid off!” he laughed.

“man, the only thing i got when i was teen was a broken nose!” dowoon said, pouting. 

sungjin laughed and stole more potatoes from wonpil’s plate. 

“i also broke my nose. i was riding a bike and decided i didn’t need my arms…” added wonpil, laughing at his own young naiveness. “it got really nasty, like… i had to get like six stitches.”

jae suddenly became pale.

“please, spare the bloody and gory details. i’m eating and i have a very sensible stomach!” 

younghyun seemed to laugh genuinely at that. 

“i don’t even know how to ride a bike…” he said, making himself a little smaller on the chair. 

wonpil looked at him in shock, 

“what? really? aren’t you like 21, hyung?” 

younghyun side-eyed him and took another sip of the wine,

“shut up. i didn’t even have a bike. nor do i have one now, how was i supposed to learn?”

dowoon stopped playing with the music speaker buttons and smiled at his hyungs.

“oh! i have a bike you can use to learn, hyung! it’s at my dorm, though. but you can come by anytime to get it.” he said, before going back to stuffing his face with food. 

sungjin passed him a napkin and looked at younghyun.

“and we can help you learn, younghyun. don’t worry.” 

younghyun, with flushed cheeks, nodded and continued eating in silence. god, he would normally be so touched and almost crying when spending time with his group of friends. here’s the thing. despite being mostly an extrovert (at least, he thought of himself as one, even if jae told him sometime about “ambivert” people), younghyun was really scared of socializing most of times. why was that? it was out of fear of being perceived as obnoxious and annoying.

he knew he was a loudmouth. sometimes he couldn’t stop himself from talking endlessly. it’s not like he’s rude to other people while doing so. nor he tries to steal the spotlight from someone else. he just has lots of things to say. jae finds it endearing. how he can go rambling about the tiniest bit of information spewed at him, either in person or via text. obviously, he hasn’t told him about it yet. someday, he swears. so, when he found himself already in this beautiful group of people, he couldn’t believe his luck. 

they are all so different, but they were together somehow. and they work amazingly. there’s never an awkward silence that can’t be filled by some random comment from dowoon. or with wonpil’s hysterical laugh. at the same time, younghyun knows he can trust junhyeok to take care of him, whether it’d be cooking him a meal at 3 am or cuddling him wordlessly. and he definitely knows sungjin would kill anyone who hurted him. 

which is why, right there, staying in silence while his friends are still sharing embarrassing childhood memories, younghyun realizes he’s been out of it for a little bit longer than expected. yes, it hurted like hell when he broke up with him. yes, he still felt the vivid ache on his chest when he thought about him. but, younghyun was still alive, right? 

he was right there, missing on a great time with his friends. not paying attention to wonpil’s antics. missing how dowoon’s ears became burning red when they talked about sex. not quite catching how sungjin’s big and sturdy hands were delicately folding a napkin into a crane form. and definitely, not seeing how jae’s brows were furrowed while he stared directly at him.

“i think you guys could teach me some other day…” younghyun suddenly said, a bit unsure. “i mean, i’m a little bit drunk now… same as you, guys. but thanks for offering!” he forced himself to smile, like he had done the past weeks. but, when he thought about spending time with his friends, laughing and learning to ride a bike, his smile became genuine. jae almost gasped.

“of course, kang!” said a very excited sungjin, giving him a pat on the shoulder. 

wonpil was also smiling at him, before winking, as he always did, towards younghyun. 

“don’t need to thank us, youngie-hyung!” chirped wonpil; his little eyes crescent moons. 

dowoon passed younghyun another beer and smiled without saying anything else.

“that’s what friends are for…” whispered jae, just loud enough for the whole group to hear.

  
  


**_autumn_ **

after they wrapped up, jae and younghyun went back to their dorm. dowoon was planning to stay the night at wonpil’s but he remembered he had a paper he had to work on, so he went back too. a little bit earlier than them. sungjin was still pretty sober and wanted to watch more dumb movies with junhyeok and wonpil, so he stayed even after the other three left.

it was around 1 am and the air was a bit cold. still early january in seoul. younghyun had his hands on his pockets, absentmindedly walking through the green areas that connected all the dorm buildings. jae, younghyun and dowoon lived in the same building; dowoon with another guy, dojoon. wonpil and junhyeok lived on the fancier building and sungjin had a room for himself a little farther away from them, but still in-campus.

jae was still paying close attention to younghyun. he watched as the younger one dragged his feet while walking through the grass. younghyun’s reddish hair was kept in place by some barrettes on his fringe. he had a straight nose and full lips. the moonlight made him glow, something akin to gold, while he walked next to jae’s lanky frame. there but not quite.

a few dandelions were growing on some parts of the ground, yet to be drowned by the snow that would come next month. jae watched them swishing side to side, with the mild wind. he wanted to reassure younghyun somehow. he knew how heartbroken one could feel, of course. still, no one’s experience with anything is exactly the same as someone else’s. jae was struggling with showing him his support.

“you were keeping count of my drinks, right, jae?” promptly asked younghyun, not stopping his walk. “i mean, you didn’t have to… but i guess you were trying to take care of me? is that so?” he continued, turning to the side, so he could see jae directly.

“well, yes… but you didn’t drink that much, younghyun. it’s okay.” answered jae, awkwardly smiling. “do you really want to learn how to ride the bike? or did you just agree to our dumbassery?” 

younghyun snorted and side-eyed the taller guy.

“i want to… even if this was all instigated by you guys. it’s something i’d always wanted to do, you know? as a kid and all of that, but my parents didn’t have that much time to teach me. and you know i’m an only child” he said, shrugging his shoulders.

jae grabbed him by the wrist. they were pretty touchy amongst themselves. well, brian was like that with all his friends. jae reserved his physical affection for really close people. so, they would hold wrists or caress each other’s hands and knees without even thinking about it. the rest of the group didn’t pay any mind to it either. that was just how  _ they _ worked. 

“you know, i could teach you right now!” he animosely said, smiling at the shorter one. “dowoon is already at his dorm, he won’t mind if we take his bike for a while. what would he need his bike for at this hour? you in?” 

younghyun chuckled and shook his head, always in disbelief about jae’s antics.

“sure, let’s go!”

  
  
  


they took dowoon’s bike (with his permission, of course) for a ride around the green areas. the middle part had a rotunde with a sidewalk, so they wouldn’t damage the grass. it was completely empty, most of the students either getting drunk or already asleep. jae carried the bike with him to the rotunde, with younghyun on his tail.

“okay so, first you have to get on it. i’ll hold it for you so you can hop on it” said jae, smiling fondly at younghyun. “and you can hold onto my arm if you need extra help” he continued, doing what he had just said.

younghyun gulped. yes, he wanted to ride the bike. however, he was very afraid of falling down and scratching his clothes, or worse, his face. he could take a few bruises on his hands and arms, though. he looked at jae with slightly worried eyes but cleared his throat before approaching the bike and hopping onto it. he --not the bike-- trembled slightly while doing so, but jae, true to his word, kept it steady for him.

“good job!” exclaimed jae, chuckling. “now, place your feet on the pedals. and try to keep your back straight, okay?” he instructed, paying attention to every minuscule movement the other did, careful of not letting him fall down to the ground. younghyun did what he was asked to and looked back at the taller, expectantly. “great. hold on to the handles, please, mr. kang” teased jae, smiling like a fool. “and move your legs, y’know how.”

this was the part younghyun was most scared of, moving way too hard, way too fast, losing his balance, and falling down onto his ass (or worse, face!). however, jae was there for him and he really trusted him. so, he took a deep breathe and began cycling his legs, without ever exhaling. jae was holding him from behind, strong grip on both sides of his waist. 

“good boy, bribri!” yelled a very satisfied jae “now straighten your back a little bit more! and don’t move your hips too much. they don’t lie! but they can make you fall to the side, though.” he cackled, laughing like he had just said the best joke ever.

younghyun rolled his eyes at him but smiled and took in the feedback, focusing on keeping his back like a straight line. he couldn’t believe how easy this was. of course, jae was helping him a lot, trying to make his body weight stay on the bike. but he was feeling a little bit proud of himself.

“wanna go a little bit faster, bri?” suddenly asked jae, mischievously. “i promise i won’t let you fall, younghyunnie.” he continued, waiting for the other’s answer. younghyun nodded while he looked at him and cycled faster, his body slightly going sideways but jae was there to make him go back on track.

by the end of the first lap, younghyun was laughing like a 5 year old. he stopped, a little bit roughly because he wasn’t used to it, and looked at jae, who slid his finger over his own forehead, wiping off the sweat. younghyun laughed even louder. jae arched his brow and tried to tickle him. younghyun managed to dodge him. 

“that was fun!” said younghyun, smiling widely. “thanks, jae.”

jae smiled back, relieved that he could see his roommate’s actual smile. he ruffled younghyun’s reddish hair and stuck his tongue out at him, playful as always. the shorter one hopped off the bike and almost stumbled down to the floor. but, quick as a lighting, jae was there to catch him, holding him by the shoulder.

“no problem” he returned, smiling brightly too. “c’mon. let’s leave this and go back home”. 

  
  


**_summer_ **

  
  


they left dowoon’s bike at their own dorm and stepped inside. younghyun couldn’t say if it was the impromptu exercise he did with the whole bicycle thing but he was feeling tired as hell and wanted nothing more than to crawl to his bed. he bids jae goodbye in the kitchen and rushes to the bathroom. taking out his barrettes and washing his face, he notices how deep his dark circles have become the past days.

“c’mon, let’s go to sleep now. we need it.” he says to his reflection and walks to the room.

being on the cheaper dorms meant paying the lowest fee for a property in campus. but that also meant sharing your room with someone else. at the beginning, it had been quite awkward for brian to share his most personal space with another dude. specially if that dude was as cute as park jaehyung was to him. he may or may not have had a slight crush on the taller guy when they first got paired up to live together. he managed, though. after that, he found out jae was crushing on his, now, ex-girlfriend and he pushed the thought away from his mind.

younghyun laid down on his bed and hugged one of his plushies. this one was a little red fox. jae had gifted it to him last christmas, saying “this looks like you!! please, hug yourself while you sleep, okay?”. he had more plushies, some of them were old enough that he had to have them fixed somewhere along the way. but this one, the fox, was special for him. somehow, while thinking about the plushie, he falls asleep. although it was not a dreamless sleep, as he had hoped for.

when jae quietly enters the room, after having taken his contacts out and washing his teeth, he notices his roommate already asleep. he wouldn’t have paid a lot of attention to it, because he knew the other took little time to fall asleep. but what caught his eye was how much younghyun was moving around the bed. his brows were furrowed and he was holding the fox plushie as if it was his lifeline. that definitely didn’t look like a peaceful dream. 

“hey, bri?” he calmly said, standing next to the younger’s bed. “are you okay?” he asked again, carefully touching the redhead’s arm, where he still held the plushie. “bribri, wake up…” he called for younghyun again, slightly shaking him. “bri, it’s jae… c’mon. wake up.”

younghyun opened his eyes, looking through the room to find his roommate, with a concerned look on his face. jae only called him “bribri” or “bri” when they were alone. he had found about brian being his western name just a few weeks after they moved in together. he didn’t tease him with it in front of the others, though. it was their inside joke, he said. 

“jae?” asked younghyun, a little bit confused. “is everything okay?”

jae sat down with him on the bed and looked into his feline eyes. 

“you were turning in your sleep, bri. you also had this really mortified look on. i thought you were having a bad dream.” he softy said, moving his hand to younghyun’s knee, to comfort him. “are you okay? want to talk about it?” continued jae, trying hard not to drag younghyun into a tight hug in that very moment.

the younger one sighed, defeated. he was dreaming about his ex breaking up with him in front of his friends, again. except this time, the asshole had decided to mock him too and bring his new guy with him, telling younghyun how much better he was. how he could totally listen to all his bullshit, without interrupting him once. how the new dude was so compliant and nice. how the new dude was a better fuck. how the new dude was better than him in every sense. and, in his dream, his friends agreed with his dumbass boyfriend and left him to go with them. 

“i… it was just a nightmare… don’t worry about me, jae” he stubbornly said, looking at the plushie on his arms. “sorry i made you worry about something that dumb… it was… just another nightmare about new year’s eve” he finally said, voice cracking in the end.

as if in autopilot mode, jae scooped younghyun out of the bed in his arms and brought them to his own bed. he held him the whole time, close to his chest. he had the reddish mop of hair just under his nose. the plushie was still pressed flush against younghyun’s chest. he was hiccuping. he was crying loudly. jae didn’t say anything, he just listened to him.

“and… he brought some other guy there… and… he said how much better than me he is!” sobbed the younger. “he told everyone there how he was caring, a good listener, not a loud-mouth and obnoxious fucker like me! he even said…” he hiccuped once again. “he even said he was better at sex than me… that he could just lay there and do what he’s told, instead of being an cunning bitch like me…”

jae’s blood was boiling, he really wanted to punch the guy. even if it was just a dream.

“bri… you know that’s not true…” began to say jae, caressing the red hair softly “you’re not obnoxious and not a loudmouth. you’re just bright and have a great personality!” he tried to cheer him up. “i know this kind of traumatic experiences can be hard to let go. but i’m just letting you know, you have us. your friends. to go through all of this with you.”

younghyun lifted his gaze to jae’s eyes and sobbed again.

“but that’s the worst part, jae…” he intervened “after he said all of that, you guys… you agreed with him. and you left. that guy was a better me than me!” he cried while he held the plushie really hard. “it’s so hard to distinguish reality from dream, jae. i’m sorry you have to see me like this...”

jae arched a brow and sat up, still holding the younger to his chest.

“hear me up, now, kang younghyun” he said, staring at him “being like this. letting yourself cry. being vulnerable, it’s not wrong. it’s not bad either. i really wish you could open up more to me. we are friends, right?” jae moved younghyun’s fringe out of his eyes. “i know everyone feels bad while crying and having this type of dreams but, you know what? isn’t it worse if you go through it all alone? at least, if you tell me, your roommate and dear ol’ friend jae, you’re sharing your burdens with me. i’m not sure if i can help you with everything, but i will listen to you and try to help you calm down.” he finished, wiping younghyun’s tears away.

the younger just looked at his roommate, biting his lip. god, how much did he love jae. he hadn’t thought about it until that very moment. he was pining for jae. he was not mad that his dumbass ex had said all that in his nightmare. he was crushed because ‘nightmare jae’ had agreed with him. he was crying and bawling his eyes out because he couldn’t bear to think that jae would leave him like that.

“did i broke you with all my blabber?” asked jae, awkward smile on his lips. 

younghyun shook his head and tried to smile at jae, softly. eyes still glossy and bottom lip bitten raw. the plushie was on the floor now. and jae’s arms were holding him,  _ oh, so closely. _ he could breathe in jae’s mint toothpaste aroma. he could see his own reflection on jae’s starry eyes. he was practically on his face. jae smiled at him again, more confidently this time. 

“good, you’re still functioning, it seems” joked jae and turned to his nightstand to kill the lights. “now, let us go to sleep” he pulled younghyun to his side, still face to face while he held him. “and let’s hope for a dreamless sleep, okay?” he stared at younghyun’s damp eyes and felt a wave of warmth hit his insides “if you wanna hug me while you sleep, do it. i’ll be that fox plushie tonight, got it?” whispered jae before quickly kissing the top of younghyun’s head.

or at least, that’s what the younger remembers because, not too long after that, he fell asleep. he had never felt more safe and sound while sleeping. he did not dream. not about the ex. not about his friends. not even about jae. he just rested and let himself be hugged by jae, impossible tighter. he didn’t want to let him go yet. he was afraid he would probably never be ready to do so.

jae looked carefully at younghyun while he slept. his soft breathing was rhythmic and lulled him to peacefully sleep as well. still, he wanted to be sure the redhead in his arms was having a good night of sleep. not another nightmare again, please. younghyun’s chubby hands were placed on jae’s chest and he clutched at the older’s pajama top while he slept. it was so precious. 

looking through the window, jae noticed the tree branches outside of the building. they were dry, because it was winter. nevertheless, jae knew those branches would be full of flowers, leaves and life in some weeks. he would see bird’s standing on them again, very soon. they’re not dead even if they seem like they are. they needed to rest, too. spring was not far away. he looked back at the guy sleeping with him. he needed to rest, as well. 

closing his eyes, jae drifts off too. perhaps dreaming of younghyun’s red hair under the warm spring sunlight, with cute flowers decorating it. perhaps about younghyun’s rosy cheeks when they were riding the bike, how he would instantly feel tired. maybe it was a dream where he punched younghyun’s dumbass ex square on the face. or, maybe, it was about kissing younghyun’s petal lips right now, while he was sound asleep, like an angel.

  
  
  


**_spring_ **

next morning, younghyun abruptly woke up. not to the sound of birds chirping outside his window. nor to jaehyung’s soft voice calling him “bri”. but to the fire alarm blasting its terrible high pitched sound. he could also hear something sizzling and jaehyung’s colorful “ _ shitshitshit _ ”. he smiled and sat up, noticing he was on jae’s bed. it smelled like him. he spotted his plushie back on his own bed and giggled.

“don’t worry, i’ve got it” said younghyun before taking a stool and turning off the damn alarm “man, after a while living here, you should already know to open the windows whenever you’re cooking” he tutted and proceeded to jump off the stool, only to almost fall on his face if it weren’t for jae’s arm that caught him just at the exact moment.

“sorry, bri. i forgot again” said jae, chuckling against his neck. 

younghyun could feel jae’s whole frame against him. he was kinda panicking, but in gay.

“and that’s your one flaw, park jaehyung” he tried to tease.

“oh, so you thought i was flawless, then?” smirked jae, holding younghyun’s waist.

the shorter one could feel himself sweating.

“... that’s not what i said” he replied, trying to let go of the arm on his waist.

jae chuckled and let him go, crossing his arms over his chest. younghyun was really cute like this, all flustered. he never wanted to see him like last night again. he wanted to banter with him everyday. hear him teasing him for something dumb like this. perhaps cooking for him more often. or maybe taking him out on cycling dates when he finally learns to ride a bike. 

“that’s what you implied” jae simply said, biting his lip.

“but i didn’t say it explicitly” bit back younghyun, looking at jae’s lip. 

“were you trying to hide it then?” asked jae, putting his chin on his hand, almost like wondering.

brian gasped and rolled his eyes before pushing jae on his way to the kitchen.

“... shut up and watch the eggs, you useless long child” 

when they were finished with their slightly burnt-eggs and toast breakfast, younghyun poured some coffee for them both. they were sitting peacefully looking through the window. it was cloudy today, not much of the sunlight could be seen. brian felt down again, out of a sudden. jae looked at him, and he found him with a lost expression on his handsome face.

“how did you sleep?” asked jae, trying to bring him back “any more dreams?”

younghyun looked at him, surprised, and blushed a bit.

“god. i’m really sorry about the whole cuddling thing last night” he began to rant “i was drunk and sad and i don’t know what i thought. man, i’m really sorry you had to carry my gay ass the whole night. you could’ve just had a nice night of sleep and i just made you go to bed really really late and i…”

jae took his hand in his and squeezed it tightly.

“first of all, there’s nothing to be sorry about” answered jae, smiling softly “you needed me, i was there for you because i care about you. okay, bri?” he continued, mindlessly caressing younghyun’s hand “second of all… you drank like two beers, you weren’t drunk. i know you drunk, mister” he teased the younger, quirking a brow and then chuckled when younghyun blushed “and third and final point, how many times have you had to carry my flat bisexual ass the whole night? you’re the one who takes care of me the most, younghyun-ah.”

up until now, younghyun had always thought of his roommate and friend as a straight man. well, he assumed. even if he never took jae’s touches and cuddling in a non-platonic way, his gay heart couldn’t stop itself from sighing enamouredly. now, hearing it directly from the older’s mouth a whole different trip. he couldn’t stop himself from opening his eyes like saucers.

“your flat  _ what _ ass?” retorted the redhead, still in disbelief.

jaehyung chuckled again and stood up, collecting the dirty dishes. he had always known he was bisexual. he never found it something important to tell other people, though. the only person who knew about it was his ex-girlfriend, being that she was, too. they were similar even to that level! 

“you heard me, kang” he teased and brought the dishes to the kitchen sink “i’m a very proud bisexual man. i didn’t think it would be something important to tell everyone, though. just some of my past partners knew about it. she knew about it, as well.” continued jae, referencing his ex-girlfriend.

younghyun felt his heart clutch at the reference. of course, the girlfriend knew and he didn’t.

“oh, yeah” intervened the younghyun, fidgeting with his fingers “how are you, by the way? about that whole thing? you can ask for my help, too, jae” he assured, searching jae’s gaze “is it hard to see her everyday during lessons?”

jae giggled while washing the dishes and looked back at younghyun. he was so cute.

“honestly?” he asked and brian nodded “not at all. we are good friends. she is really mature and i admire her a lot. she’s going to be a great lobbyist. that girl is the best when debating. no one can top her” he added, laughing again “i feel like we should have never dated, though. we have so much in common that it feels like talking to a copy of myself. only shorter and with a nose ring.”

the younger blushed. maybe the whole time jae had complimented his ex, he had felt a tiny bit of jealousy creeping into his heart. however, when the taller said he felt like they should have never been a thing, younghyun’s gay heart felt like it was going to explode. god, he was pining so bad.

“i’m glad you’re taking it that way, hyung” commented younghyun, smiling fondly at the older “you’re really mature and in touch with your feelings, aren’t you? i wish i could be like that, too” he added, almost whispering. then he looked back at the grey sky outside “it will probably take me a while to reach a state of mind where i don’t think about it in a sad way…”

jae dried his hands with the towel next to the sink and went straight to hold younghyun’s chin.

“but i’m sure you will, bribi” he chirped in, smiling down at him and using his thumb to caress his cheeks. they were chubby and soft, begging to be peppered with feather like kisses and smooches. jae was on the brink of doing it, but he thought about all of this being too soon for younghyun. he wanted to give him space “there’s no one who is as hard-working as you. you always get whatever you set your goal on, right? that’s how you are, kang younghyun. and i’m proud of you, too. take this to your own pace, okay? i'll be here by your side the whole ride” he leaned in, almost giving in to his intense desire of kissing the younger breathless, but he stopped. no. he would do it when younghyun wanted it. when he can open up to him.

he backed off younghyun’s personal space and flashed him a smile, ready to sneak into the bathroom. jae turned around and younghyun pulled him by the wrist, that very familiar action sent chills to jae’s spine. next thing he knew, he was in the younger’s embrace. the redhead had his eyes closed and his whole face pressed to jae’s shoulder. he breathed calmly, both of them did. however, they didn’t say a single word. they just stood there, in the middle of the kitchen. listening to their own heartbeats.

  
  
  
  


after they both had freshened up, separately, jae got a message from dowoon, asking him if they were up to teaching younghyun how to ride the bike. jae wouldn’t tell him about last night’s first lesson. it was between him and  _ bri _ , their own little moment in time. so he went to ask his roommate, who was sitting on his own bed, practicing some chords on his acoustic guitar.

“so, there’s a chance we can all meet today and properly teach you how to ride that bike. dowoon just texted me.” commented jae, calling younghyun’s attention “do you want to? we can always tell them we’re busy or something…”

younghyun bit his lip and put the guitar aside.

“i don’t know, jae … i’m afraid of falling and fucking breaking my nose or something” he admitted, blushed cheeks and nervous eyes. god, how much did jae want to kiss him and hold him down the rest of the day. he was such a sucker for cuddling  _ bri _ .

“bri, we’re not letting you fall to the ground! we’re all going to be there for you” exclaimed jae, standing directly in front of him and bending down a little bit, to look directly into the younger’s eyes. so close, yet he felt so far away. he wanted to hug him so bad. and never let him go, if possible.

“i’m a little bit scared to ride it while sober you know? alcohol makes you fearless and…” he began and jae could sense a rant coming so he pulled younghyun up by the arm and held him close to his chest, staring into his deep eyes.

“you drank three beers at most, mister” he chuckled, noticing how the redhead still had some dark circles under his eyes “don’t use that excuse with me, bribri. i know you too well for that” he whispered, noses almost touching. younghyun was cherry red, pupils shaking. 

“okay… but just for a while!” he quickly agreed, trying to back off, out of the taller’s embrace. “i don’t want the guys to laugh at me for falling down…” added younghyun, looking into jae’s t-shirt as if it was the most interesting thing he had ever seen. 

jae let him go, again and laughed brightly.

“you know very well we would never, dummy” he reminded him and got out of the room. 

a few hours later, when they came back from “ _ how to ride a bike: 101”  _ lesson with the rest of the group, younghyun was spent and red from all of the effort. he had managed to make a few laps again, still being held but this time by sungjin and wonpil. jae was sitting on the grass, looking at them from time to time and writing things on a notebook. dowoon was taking photos of them, as junhyeok had his head laid into his lap, taking a nap. they were their own tiny ecosystem. 

“how did you like the lessons, bri?” asked jae when they reached their dorm.

younghyun was tired and exaggerated a sigh.

“honestly? sungjin and wonpil are great cyclists but you’re a better teacher than them…”

jae cackled and opened the door, helping the younger take off his coat and scarf. 

“figures. i’m nearly flawless, right?” teased jae, looking at how younghyun blushed for the umpteenth time that day “this nearly flawless noodle is tired though, want to watch a movie after you take a shower?” he asked the younger, casually reaching to fix the redhead’s fringe.

after younghyun had showered for the second time that day, he put on a huge donald duck t-shirt and blue boxers. the shirt practically swallowed him whole. he didn’t remember buying it but maybe it was one of the gifts he had gotten from his relatives during christmas. he couldn’t recall it, honestly.

when he stepped into the room they shared, hair still a little wet, jae looked at him and smirked. shit, why did he have to do that? didn’t he know how handsome he was with all of his boyish appeal? he was too much for younghyun’s poor heart. even so, he walked straight to jae’s bed and plopped down next to him, casually leaning into his forearms.

jae’s heart almost stopped when he saw younghyun wearing that shirt. it was his. a really old gift from his trip to disney world. he almost never used it, sticking to wearing it as a pajama. it was not as loose on him as it was on younghyun. it almost reached the hem of his boxers. he really was being tested, wasn’t he? he continued searching for an adequate movie until he selected a random one.

“want me to dry your hair?” he asked younghyun, smiling softly “i can braid it if you want…”

to be honestly, jaehyung had wanted to braid younghyun’s hair since he began growing it out. jae had learnt to braid because of his older sister, who taught him on some dolls when he was still a lanky noodle pre-teen. it really relaxed jae and he knew it would help younghyun relax too.

the younger nodded and brought a small towel, setting himself in front of jae, who had his legs crossed. younghyun was a little tense. he was really close to jae now. not that it was the first time, but he was now aware of two things: he was pining on jae, and jae was bisexual. he struggled to breathe properly. the movie was another  _ chick flick _ and younghyun was having a hard time following the plot. instead, he chose to focus on jae’s long fingers on his messy hair, drying it with the fabric and then, brushing and braiding his hair.

“you look so pretty with braids, bribri” suddenly whispered jae, almost into younghyun’s nape. “i bet you’d look even prettier with flowers in it” he added, smiling “maybe when spring comes, we can pick some and i can braid them into your hair. would you like that, bab…” he stopped talking when he noticed his slip “bribri.” he corrected himself.

brian was in cloud nine. jae was making him relax really quickly. the touch on his hair. the closeness. the soft-spoken way in which jae had called him “bribri”. he didn’t even feel turned on. he just wanted to be held by the older man. he leaned back into jae’s chest, still cautious of crossing a line that could never be drawn again.

jae held in a gasp when he found himself pressed flush against younghyun’s back. he could tell the younger had his eyes closed, but he was not sleeping. jae brought his hands down to the redhead’s middle and hugged him. he closed his own eyes as well and enjoyed the way in which younghyun purred. he was such a cute and special being. younghyun placed his head on jae’s shoulder, giving him a perfect viewpoint of his broze neck. jae was dying to dive into it and kiss the living daylights out of him. to make younghyun forget about that idiot faster. make brian a mess for him. make  _ bribri _ happy once again. show him that he could have spring all year round. to jae, he was spring.

“hyung…” softly said brian, placing his own hands on top of jae’s, playing with his fingers “hold me tighter” he asked, voice almost trembling. he was already so scared of rejection in general. but specially now, of being rejected by jae. of making him uncomfortable. “please… you’re so warm”.

jaehyung smiled, relieved and placed his hands on younghyun’s waist, turning him around a little bit, so the younger could see his face. with one last look at the redhead’s feline eyes, he brought his face down to the petal lips he admired the night before. and, after hearing younghyun’s little excited gasp, he squeezed the younger’s waist a bit and smashed their mouths together. he moaned and younghyun gasped in his mouth, quickly moving his own hands to hold jae’s cheeks.

in the blink of an eye, younghyun had crawled and turned around, setting himself right on the older’s lap, facing him directly. jae moved his other hand to younghyun’s nape while they kissed. he could hear himself panting in between the steamy kiss. younghyun was whimpering, too. almost like he had waited way too long for this. the movie long forgotten on the background, as jaehyung threaded his fingers on the back of younghyun’s hair, slightly pulling it and eliciting those heavenly sounds from him. younghyun bit down into jae’s bottom lip, making the older growl softly and pull him closer to him. 

they fell back into the bed, younghyun on top of the older. legs and tongues tangled. jae’s shirt was riding up a bit and younghyun helped, bringing it to his chest. jae chuckled when he pulled away from the younger. he could finally see the mess he had created on the redhead. his lips were red and raw. his eyes were glossy and teary, too. cheeks flushed and hair a mess. it was the almost the same picture as the night before, but the feeling and the reason were totally the opposite ones. he definitely wanted to see this look on him again. 

“you look gorgeous…” he complimented the younger, still holding him by the waist, secured on top of his body “i couldn’t resist kissing you. sorry, bribri…” he brought one hand to the younghyun’s face and swiped his thumb over younghyun’s sultry lips “for not asking. i’m really not sorry about kissing you, though. you good?” asked jae, looking deeply into the other’s eyes.

younghyun suppressed a hiccup. 

“why did you take so long, though?” he counterattacked, smiling while tears were almost dropping from his cat-like eyes “i was going crazy here, hyung. you’re too much for me. too handsome. too caring. too hot. too perfect. you’re right. i did think you were flawless.” he continued, sobbing and looked back at the older “now i even have to add ‘amazing kisser’ to your long lists of quirks!” teased the redhead, chuckling and hiding his face in the older’s neck “you smell so good, too. not fair, jaehyungie hyung”.

the older chuckled too and used his hand to take younghyun’s chin and bring their lips together again. his tongue pressed hot against younghyun’s. he wanted to devour him, even if he knew he couldn’t in that moment. outside, the sun was going down and the wind had become a little bit harsher. like jae’s kisses on younghyun’s panting mouth. the younger pulled back a few times, breathless and asked jae if he wanted to suffocate him. jae had just laughed and said he wanted to make up for the lost time. younghyun hit his chest playfully and jae caught his hand, bringing him back down, once again. he couldn’t get enough of his taste. he couldn’t ever grow tired of younghyun’s honey-like sounds. how he squirmed and whimpered on top of him. he was so full of love for him.

“shit… jae…” said younghyun when jae sneaked his arms underneath the loose shirt he had on “shit, shit… you’re so bad” he whined, pouting a bit “i haven’t gotten around to touch you, hyung” he complained, setting his legs to each side of the older “i want to… god, jae” he moaned again when the taller moved his finger upwards, below the donald duck shirt, and slowly pressed them into his dark nipples “you could at least have warned me… dumbass” he whimpered, all pouty lips and soft huffing.

jae chuckled lowly and took the shirt off younghyun’s body. when he did, he admired the way in which the sunset lighting from the window made his beautiful skin shine golden. the redhead whimpered, self-conscious again and tried to cover his torso. jae stopped him and proceeded to play with his nippled once again, just barely touching them with his thumbs. making soft and slow circles on them. younghyun had begun to grind into jae’s stomach, already losing himself to his senses. jae straightened up a bit and licked younghyun’s neck. he sucked rosy marks on it, biting him and leaving hard proof of the events that were taking place in their room. younghyun whimpered the taller’s name each time, holding himself to jae’s head, too lost. too hot. too much. 

“watching you wear my shirt was almost too stimulating for me, bribri…” he said, lips pressed to the younger’s neck “so cute. so soft. you’re a living dream, did you know? normally, a sweet one. but right now? a wet one” he moaned in synch with the younger, who had his eyes closed “you can touch me too, baby” he whispered in his ear, taking younghyun’s hand to his crotch “all yours”.

the redhead blushed again and began palming jae through his boxers. god, it was way too hot. he felt like he had a terrible fever. jae was the cause. but jae was also his only remedy. he wanted everything from him. anything that jae asked, he would do. he was feeling way too much, but he knew jae was, too. stroking the older through the fabric, brian continued grinding against him “good boy, bri” cooed jae, bringing his kisses down, to younghyun’s chest “such a good boy, you’re the best, baby”.

younghyun maybe discovered he had a praise kink that night. every time jae complimented him, he grew harder and bigger. he wanted to please him. he was letting go of all control right there, making out with his roommate. jae bit down, a little hard, into his pecs. he made up for it, lavishly sucking into them later. earning high-pitched whines from the younger, who was already stroking jae’s naked crotch. younghyun had his hand inside jae’s boxers, moving his hand up and down quickly, moaning everytime jae groaned. he could feel jae was getting close. god, he wasn’t even thinking about himself in that moment. he just wanted to make him feel good.

“baby… bri…” moaned jae, stopping his kisses and pressing his forehead to younghyun’s chest, barely breathing correctly “wait… wait a bit… i want to make you feel good, too” he took younghyun’s aching member out of the boxer “you’re so gorgeous even down here, huh? such a precious angel” he praised him, seeing the younger’s dick twitch “of course you’re a good boy who likes to be praised, huh?“ he managed to tease the younger “you deserve it, baby”.

younghyun was leaking pre-cum already. jae’s words were affecting him in such an easy way, he would have felt embarrassed if he hadn’t been that lost into the pleasure. jae could watch up close how the redhead was coming undone on top of him. how his breathing became ragged. his forehead was gleaming with sweat. his voice was hoarse and raw from all that kissing and moaning. his hair was a sticky red mess. his lips were bitten red and he gasped from time to time, trying to collect air again. he was a steamy mess because of jae.

“are you close now, baby?” asked jae, pumping his hand faster, trying to match younghyun’s pace on his own cock “want to come together? you can do it, bri… you’re such a good boy” he whispered, looking directly into his eyes “mmm, i have an idea, bri” he suddenly said, maneuvering the younger so they would be laying next to each other, face to face “better, right? come here” he took younghyun’s hands and brought their cocks together, sliding in synch, hearing how the redhead’s whimpers became higher-pitch with every single thrust. younghyun had his mouth wide open, moans and filthy sounds falling from it, as he repeatedly called jae, like a mantra “ i know, baby… you’re almost there, hang on a little bit more, m’kay?” he praised and kissed him open-mouthed, sucking his tongue loudly.

younghyun’s hands and thighs were shaking, about to come undone in any second. 

“hyung…” he groaned into jae’s lips “i am… coming… now…” he softly said, closing his eyes once again as he felt jae’s hand pumping them both impossibly fast “hyung... “ a sultry moan cut him off “too much… i am… hyung… please” he pleaded, opening his teary eyes and looking at jae.

“i’m right there, too, baby” said jae, smirking “you’re doing amazing, baby… let’s come together then…” he whispered as they both reached their high and spilled onto their own hands. a sticky mess on jae’s bed. jae exhaled loudly and took the discarded towel, wiping himself and younghyun clean. the younger had his eyes still closed. biting his lip hard, tears spilled onto his gorgeous face while his hand still shaked “good boy…” praised jae once again “you were amazing, bri… want to cuddle?” he asked, smiling boyishly while he brought them closer.

the younger groaned into jae’s chest and let some more tears fall down.

“it was… so good” he whimpered “i loved it…” he managed to say, managing to keep what he really wanted to say inside “you’re… too perfect, hyung. not fair…” he giggled and opened his eyes, to see jae’s own teary eyes. the older leaned in for a soft and innocent kiss.

he wiped younghyun’s cheeks.

“and i loved it, too, baby” he agreed, pressing soft pecks into younghyun’s cheeks “i don’t want to scare you right not but… i may have enjoyed it way too much” he joked, hugging younghyun closer “i might have to keep you around forever, you know?” he whispered, testing the waters “that is, if you’ll have me. i wanna hear how you feel.”

younghyun pressed a kiss to jae’s full lips and smiled. that type of smile so wide that it makes your cheeks hurts. jae loved that smile. it made younghyun’s eyes become tiny slants and his nose scrunched cutely. he would always protect that smile. he would make him that happy forever. 

“i’ll have you, park jaehyung” answered younghyun “during the winter. during spring. in the hot summer. during cozy autumn mornings. i want to be with you as long as i can. please. hold me tight, as long as you wish” he finished, cuddling into jae’s chest and softly, he fell asleep. too many emotions on a single day. too much exercise, too.

“that is how long forever is, kang younghyun” he whispered to his sleeping lover.

that night, younghyun didn’t have a dreamless sleep. instead, he dreamt of a warm spring. one where the flowers and birds returned to the tree outside their dorm. one where he would wake up in jae’s embrace everyday. he dreamt of dandelions flourishing on the grass. of jae braiding flowers into his red hair. of flowers growing again inside of him. spring had brought them. but spring wasn’t a season anymore. spring, for younghyun, was now jae. 

**Author's Note:**

> comments are well appreciated, folx <3


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